Riding and Not Riding the Rock 1978-79

“Being alive, going forward, is like a round rolling rock, you don’t have to push it, just ride it.” –Eleva Davidson

I feel a split in myself – a constant running from the ground, my body, feelings, my center, intimacy – located in the belly.  In the paintings, these are the rounded squares/rocks, as in Are they running from the ground?, Ghost Baby, and Connected. This separation from myself – from my belly, includes separation from others.

I like to be up in the sky where it moves faster and I don’t feel much-down on the ground it is heavier, slower, it hurts and I am afraid – I feel my body, the belly. I run from the earth where I feel vulnerable and I need love. It is easier, freer, to be out of my body, in the sky, alone- not feeling the center- escaping by eating, and being busy – it is safe, easy, warm, comfortable and boring. 

Yet, being on the earth is where I find joy and connection with others. In my body, I have responsibilities, I have work to  do, I have power and must decide how to use it. 

At a cultural level, this body/mind split can erase our humanity. Living Beings and the Earth are perceived as rubbish to be used and destroyed. This allows and justifies all the harm done. 

I want to heal this split in myself – stay on the ground, dig my toes in and feel the cold wind blow – feel my power which I get from the earth, feel everything and be in life –  connected – whole – alive!